A Conglomerate Pie Of Movie Reviews

I watched a lot of movies this summer.

If you’ve been around this blog for any length of time, you know that I do books a bit better than I do movies. I love watching movies, but… I rarely sit down for two hours to watch one. I keep promising people I’ll get around to it and they keep rolling their eyes when they think I’m not looking.

But look at me,  being all diligent in my movie-watching! Aren’t I such a good child? Don’t I deserve chocolate?

Of course I do. Shut up.

Between babysitting two Netflix-addicted children, a library haul, and my birthday, I watched more movies this summer than I normally watched in a year. Okay, maybe not that many, but still.

Picky little vegetable that I am, I had to share my numerous opinions.

…You’re welcome?

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In one way, I was not okay with Moana at all. To be brief, Disney Princess stories have always been romance stories as well. And when there is no heterosexual romance to speak of, I get suspicious of the motives behind it.

But that mess needs its own post, so I’ll leave it there.

I will say that the animation was pure gorgeousness. The water, Moana’s hair, the island… that scene where Moana is walking towards Te Ka…

Lovely.

I liked that Moana appeared as a precious toddler and adorable preteen.

Her family was perfect and she got to have not only two living parents, but a sassy grandma as well. Slightly reminiscent of Mulan, come to think of it…

But don’t let us forget that Tangled is the best Disney Princess movie and none other shall ever come close to surpassing its greatness. All the things I loved about Moana were actually stolen from Tangled.

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Pan was not well received by critics.

The critics and I never agree – I loved it!

Although… the whole movie should have been about Hook? Just saying. That guy is awfully adorable and you could kind of tell that the makers of the film agreed with me? Peter was supposed to be the star of the show, but Hook was who we were all watching, if you know what I mean.

I plan to write an entire review of this one, so be looking for that… but if I had to pick just one thing to say, I would mention the musical-feel of this movie.

It’s not a musical? But there are two or three all-cast numbers and one breathtakingly gorgeous soundtrack piece that give it a unique… flavor.

Another reason to watch it would be Hugh Jackman. While I am not a fan of his warbling performance in Les Mis, I loved him as Blackbeard. His character was… oddly moving.

And Hook. Don’t forget Hook.

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BFG was, easily, my least favorite movie of the summer.

It was horrible.

The premise was nice enough, but the cute kids’ book was altered to make it more… appealing to idiots?

Okay, so Sophie was cute enough and quite relatable as a fellow bookworm. I was fully prepared to enjoy this movie.

But then the scantily clad and less-than-aesthetic giants came on the scene and the movie just became that much more unappealing.

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Alice Through The Looking Glass is by far the best movie I watched this summer!

The aesthetics were breathtaking. There was so much color and texture.

And Johnny Depp.

In case Johnny Depp isn’t enough explanation for you – and he should be – I will venture to say that I did not hate Alice, which is a rarity. I do not get along with fictional females, ordinarily.

I liked her pants. And the cute little dude who had a crush on her was, well, cute.

I shipped the ship, as it were.

Lastly, the theme was… deep and loaded and emotional and beautiful and I wanted to cry.

And one more thing! Moriarty is in it. I repeat: Moriarty can be found in this movie.

Go watch it and scream.

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Trolls is my favorite animated film since Tangled.

I’m a live-action girl, generally speaking, but Trolls won my persnickety little heart. The songs got me first – that reworked version of Hall of the Mountain King? That was awesome.

Baby Gristle was kind of precious even though he was a cannibal. Baby Poppy was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Branch is… me.

Then Sound of Silence happened and Trolls-style Hello… and I don’t need another reason, okay?

 

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Kung Fu Panda 3 was pretty much what you expect from an animated DreamWorks movie. I definitely laughed, but it was nothing to write home about.

The one thing that stood out to me was Tigris’ transformation from the typical Warrior Female Who Dost Not Cry to… a friend, first and foremost, with a… maternal side?

Shocking, I know!

Because apparently cool ninja girls aren’t allowed to want to be moms or even like little kids. No, no. They have to hate everyone. And always pursue deadly hobbies like Hurting People.

It did have the typical “discover who you truly are” message and I’m getting a bit tired of that. But! At least the high-on-dope turtle corrected Po by saying, “No, you have to become the best you that you can be.”

Good for him! I like that message considerably better than the un-modified version. It takes into account that we can’t embrace our flaws as simply “part of who we are.”

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Descendants took me back to my childhood.

Big time.

Like, wow, it made me feel old.

Descendants is your standard Disney Channel Movie. Predictable plot, plenty of singing, and surprisingly difficult choreography, all wrapped up in a high school setting!

As I mentioned, I love musicals these days. I also said that I prefer live-action films. Add to that the fact that I love choreographed dancing, and you would think that Descendants was tailor-made for me!

But no.

None of the songs were that good. In fact, the only one I liked was Rotten To The Core, which also happened to be the only one with real choreographed dancing to accompany it.

The plot was predictable in multiple ways and the setting was… far-fetched.

And why did this story have to be focused on Mal? Out of four kids, they just had to pick the most boring? Ugh.

I mean, did no one notice the adorable potential of a movie about Jay or Carlos? I would choose a story about a chronic pickpocket or a little white-haired dude over a story about a girl who wants to make mommy proud any day of the week, thanks.

And one more thing! Doesn’t it make way more sense that these kids would fall in love with one of their best friends and not some random snotty prince they just met?

Okay, okay. I’m done.

What movies did you watch this summer? What did you think of them? How do you feel about a romance-free Moana? Tell me everything!

 

 

 

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