Unedited: Beginnings Edition

Alright, folks!

Back by popular demand – oh, hush – are…

The Snippets!

I wish I could make them all pretty for you, but let’s face it, I am far too lazy to find pictures and edit my words onto their surfaces. So you will just have to be content with the words.


She never spoke to me. Not once. I knew that she could speak, but she simply refused, retreating inside herself instead. Her self-imposed silence lasted twelve years. Perhaps it would’ve been more merciful to let her die.


“You come, too,” he said breathlessly. She tried to pull her hand away, but he wouldn’t let her. He had never been convinced that she understood him when he spoke, but he was sure now. She knew. She took a step back, their joined hands dangling limply between them. With a sudden tug, Aleks pulled her into his arms.


Endelyn could feel each blade of grass that pressed against the bare skin of her legs. She could feel the breath of wind that caressed her face and blew her hair up off her neck and moved silently through the grass. Shed could feel every fiber of the rough material of her dress as if chafed against her skin. She could feel it all. So many sensations. It was agony. It was ecstasy. She was alive for the first time. And then, when she opened her eyes, it was gone.


Those were not her eyes. So huge and dark, nearly black. Once they were blue, like the color of the sky on a sunny day. Mkali tore her eyes away, unable to sit there staring into the despairing eyes of the stranger she saw looking out at her.


Endelyn broke her stubborn silence only to curse him soundly in Nomad, telling him just what she thought of him in a string of colorful expletives. The corners of his mouth tipped up in an amused smile. He replied in easy, fluid Nomad.
“Thank you.”


In the darkness, far away, I can see a dim light. I move toward it, and it becomes brighter, its light stronger. I hear a steady hum coming from it. As it becomes clearer, I see that out is not a fixed orb of light as I had thought, but a thin, glowing thread that stretches on and on until it is faint in the distance and finally melts into the blackness.


A dry wind catches sparks rising from the campfire, making them dance erratically until they blink out. Dead. Dead, like everyone and everything around me. I get the sense that these people are fugitives, running for their lives. And now I’m running with them.


As if an afterthought, Makovu reaches for Moto’s hand. She just stares at it. Makovu goes ahead and grabs it anyway.


“I knew, even in the beginning, that I would have to pay a price… And it turned out that it cost me everything. The things that mattered the most. My soul. I made a deal with the devil.” She shrugs. ” I knew that. I knew that the price would be high. I knew that ultimately, it would destroy me. Funny, isn’t it, that my love for him drove me to do this, and now that it’s all over that’s what I had to give up? I knew right from the start that to do this… It meant goodbye.”


He was beautiful, Mkali realized. They all were, in a strange, twisted way that hurt her. They were the distorted reflections of Kwanza whom she had known.


Tell me your thoughts! Did you have a favorite? Or were they all just too beautiful for words (I hope they weren’t because I love comments so much!)? Do you have a favorite character? If I were to interview one of them, which one would you like it to be?



24 thoughts on “Unedited: Beginnings Edition”

  1. HOLY MACARONI AND CHEESE, GIRL. THESE ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!! These are like bestseller level gorgeous, and I’m not just saying that to be nice. That’s what I was thinking while reading them! This just…GIRL. YOU ARE SO TALENTED.

    Man, I don’t know if I have a favorite. They’re all so good! Maaaybe the one about the eyes? Beauty put in words right there. Also dat last one. o.o

    “He was beautiful, Mkali realized. They all were, in a strange, twisted way that hurt her.” I CAN’T HANDLE THIS GORGEOUSNESS.

    I also snickered at this: “He replied in easy, fluid Nomad.
    β€œThank you.”

    Too great! XD



  2. Kate, I NEED this story!!! Please! I beg you!! I was completely taken aback by the beauty of these snippets!!!!! I think that Endelyn is probably my favorite character! I am in love with your story!! πŸ˜€


      1. Well, I guess that I don’t know her as well as you do, so I might change my mind when I get to know her better. I might be wrong, but from what I know of her so far, she seems rather sassy and seems to have an attitude. I find characters like that incredibly amusing, even though I find them super annoying in real life. πŸ˜›


  3. These are just too beautiful for words! (Haha. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. ;)) Seriously though, they are beautiful. You have a very smooth, poetical style. It’s very pleasing to read. “She could feel it all. So many sensations. It was agony. It was ecstasy. She was alive for the first time.” Gahhh! I love your use of words here.

    Oh! but it sounds like it’s going to be a very tragic story indeed. Your poor characters!! 😦


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