When you have a big family – and I do – it’s something of a rarity to have the entire house to yourself. But when it does, I go crazy.
I pull out the disco ball and invite over a bunch of fri–
What am I saying? Friends? People? Humans? No.
No, no, no.
Lies. Rubbish. Who is writing this post anyway?
The point was that I love being home alone. It’s inspires a lovely feeling of independence in my introverted soul and I just revel in being able to do whatever I want.
Now, I am not ten. Not a little boy. Don’t have blond hair.
But I thought you might enjoy my own version of Home Alone.
1. Read books
Um, this should be obvious? I am a bookworm, am I not?
So I read books. And as a fast reader, I can plow through chapters in mere minutes when there are – at long last – no distractions.
Truly, there is no feeling in the world quite like knowing you have finished three books in one day.
Those non-reading folk? They missing out, mon.
2. Play music loudly
I love music, as you all probably know by now. I love it even more when it’s pulsing through your veins and throbbing along with your heartbeat and shaking your car just a little bit so that random strangers get to enjoy it along with you.
I see you rolling your eyes. Saying, “Oh. She’s one of them.”
Yes. Yes, I am. And proud of it, thankyouverymuch!
Life is too short not to turn up the music, my dear. So turn it up. Belt it out along with ’em.
Yes, I sing, too. Don’t worry. I lip-sync when there are humans nearby. But when I’m alone? Josh Groban and I have done some spectacular duets.
3. Eat stuff
I am a self-diagnosed Bored Eater. This, of course, means that I don’t eat because I’m hungry – I occasionally do that as well – but because I have nothing better to do.
So when the house is empty and I am filled the contentment that comes from having finished several books, I begin rummaging through the fridge for leftovers, which I proceed to eat cold with a tall glass of milk. Not terribly sophisticated, I know. But I ask you – what could be better than a slice of pound cake and some hot wings for a midmorning snack?
Didn’t think so.
I cannot be still. It’s a sad fact.
Reading books is about the closest I ever get, and even then I wiggle my toes or swing my leg like a pendulum.
I pace when I have a lot on my mind. I prowl when I’m bored.
This essentially means that I meander purposelessly through the house, probably muching on something, and start half a dozen projects that I leave blissfully unfinished because I’ve thought of something else I need to do.
As you can probably tell, I get a lot done. I am efficient. Organized.
What can I say? It’s who I am.
5. Watch chick flicks
Do. Not. Tell. Anyone.
If you do, I will hunt you down and kill you.
We wouldn’t want my reputation as a hardcore, intense writer to be destroyed, would we? Don’t answer that.
I am a writer.
I am strong. Hardcore. Intense.
I do not watch sappy, romantic movies. Like Pride And Prejudice. Or Little Women.
6. Eat chocolate chips
Because clearly this deserves to be in its own category. Completely separate from the one that said “Eating Food,” or something like that.
Chocolate always deserves its own category, friends.
Do not question me.
7. Talk to the dog
Fun fact about me, coming right up.
I have a dog. Ta-daa!
She is a she. Her name is Sophie. I came up with it myself. It means “wisdom.” If you could see my dog’s eyes, you would understand the prophetic nature of my naming skills. She is an adorable black Labrador retriever. She is far chubbier than she ought to be, thanks once more to those eyes of hers.
We have the most fascinating discussions.
To be perfectly honest with you, I talk to myself. The dog just conveniently happens to be there.
8. Redecorate the house
Let’s just blame my restless nature once more, shall we? Good. I feel so much better now.
And of course my family is thrilled with the changes when they come home. How dare you doubt me for even one moment? My taste is unparalleled. Humans come to me from the four corners of the earth for my interior decorating advice.
I speak the truth.
9. Rearrange furniture
I get bored of things rather easily.
So I like to switch things up, you know? Move things around. Give the place a new look.
So what if I do decide to change it to something new a few days later? It’s my life. My house. Sort of.
10. Clean my room
My room is usually clean.
Or… you can see the floor, anyway. In some places.
But we’re straying from the topic at hand.
I like to clean. This most likely boggles your mind, but it’s true. I also like clutter. I like watching clutter build up so that I can clean it.
Particularly the unruly stack of books by my bedside. Things do tend to get out of hand there. During the week I’m too busy to put things back nicely. So by the time the weekend rolls around there are three or four piles of books, a veritable landslide of paper, pens, highlighters, and my trusty red mini-stapler. Oh, how I love that stapler…
Your turn! What do you do when you’re left home alone? Do you talk to yourself? Do you have a dog (introduce it!)? Is your room clean right now? Can you see the floor, I mean? What is the weirdest cold, leftover food combo you have ever eaten?