The NaNo Diaries: A Million Ways To Procrastinate

I am learning many things this November.

One of the most important, however, is mastering the art of procrastination.

I am a truly  gifted individual. Thank you for noticing.

As this is acknowledged to be a rare talent, I thought I would let you in on just a few of the ways procrastination can ruin your chances of winning NaNoWriMo.

You are welcome.

1. Bathroom breaks

I don’t know if it was just my body revolting ahaint the idea of writing down actual words in coherent sentences, but it seems as though I am trotting off to the bathroom at least every five minutes.

2. Water breaks

This is only is only slightly more legitimate than bathroom breaks.

For those of you who don’t know, I hate water.

I dont know who invented it, but it is a disgusting substance and I despise it with my whole being.

And so it rather laughable that I take breaks to drink it.

At least it’s a healthy form of torture?

3. Reading other people’s blog posts

Ask anyone.

I have never been so involved in the bloggish world than I have been this November.

So if anyone has anything pressing they want to say and are hoping I will take notice and read it, now’s the time, folks!

4. Surfing the internet

Another thing I never do.

Honestly, I’m beginning to wonder if aliens have hijacked my body?

If somebody could go find the real me – most likely it is in Mars somewhere – that would be most convenient.

5. Hiding  from my book

When my little brother asks what I’m doing under the dining room table I tell him, “Reorganizing.”

I don’t think he believes me…

6. Snack breaks

Even though there are no snacks at my house.

Because we are healthy around here, obviously.

So I wander around moaning for snacks or pretending to ransack cupboards for the snacks I wish were there.

At this point, I am definitely more concerned about our lack of snacks than I am about my strange imaginary-snacking habits.

One upside to imaginary snacking is that you don’t gain weight! See? Positive thinking!

7.Meals

Eating meals is a great way to procrastinate.

It’s also necessary to stay alive, but we’re getting off topic.

8. Fresh air

I like the outdoors.

It is quiet and peaceful and there is no paper anywhere.

9. Exercise

This is the part where I go outside and play catch with my little brother and nearly freeze to death.

Whose idea was this anyway?

My little brother says it was mine. That I dragged him out here.

I give him skeptical looks.

10. Interacting with humans

You wanted proof that I’ve been abducted by aliens?

Now you have it.

11. Thinking of brilliant blog posts I could write

Ever wonder how I come up with my brilliant posts?

Now you know.

Wonder what I was supposed to be doing when I came up the idea for this brilliant post?

You got it!

12. Thinking of all the parts of my book I would rather be writing right now

Because the scene ii greener on the other side, as they say…

Or, at least, they should say.

13. Thinking how unoriginal my book is

It is so unoriginal…

If it had a face, I’m pretty sure it would look just like Katniss. And Frodo. Combined.

14. Staring into space

I spend hours doing this.

Space is beautiful. I want to live there someday.

15. Staring at the page

Which is almost as riveting as space – but not quite. In case you were wondering.

16. Listening to the music that is supposed to help me write

I don’t multitask well.

It’s unfortunate.

This is particularly evident when someone turns on music.

Whatever I’m doing comes to a screeching halt. My slams shut. My pen is suspended midair.

My brothers have learned that the only way to get my on is to turn on music I like.

I just can’t resist it.
17. Lip-syncing the lyrics to the songs that are supposed to be helping me write

Because the howls of pain that break out from all over my house when I sing out loud are so unanimous that I don’t feel I can argue.

18. Dancing to the music that is supposed to be helping me write

I like to dance, okay?

And besides, I didn’t ask for your permission. I do what I want…!

19. Updating my word count

More fun than actually writing the words, right?

20. Realizing how little practical knowledge about my book I have

I thought I was so prepared. Such a good little plotter. I mean, after six years of writing – make that trying to write – the stupid thing, what could I, the author, possibly not know?

Um, that would be everything.

How good at procrastination are you? What is your favorite method? Do you hide from your book? Where do you hide? Tell me  secrets, teach me your ways – that we may all lose NaNo happily together!

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17 thoughts on “The NaNo Diaries: A Million Ways To Procrastinate

  1. Marie @ drizzleandhurricanebooks says:

    Hahaha, I love this, I can SO relate to this. I’m not doing NaNo this year, but I did last year, and, erm… procrastination is the worst thing in the world. I suddenly got fascinated with every blog in the universe instead of writing haha and YES singing to the songs supposed to help me write…Did this ALL THE TIME ahha.

    Like

  2. Anna R. says:

    Oh My Gosh! Those are so totally me! I can relate to every single one of those!!!!! Procrastination is like my Best Friend lately… 😛

    Like

  3. smudgedthoughts says:

    The outdoors has trees. Trees make paper.

    Going outside means you are surrounded by paper.

    *mind explodes*
    *incoherent screaming*

    Anyway!!! Number 13 is HILARIOUS!!! Oh my word, I can totally relate… Seriously, though… But then again, my book is also pretty original, yet unoriginal at the same time????

    ??????

    Anyway, love this blog post!! It is hilarious!!! Now get back to writing, you procrastinator!!!!

    *says the girl who is currently procrastinating…..*

    Like

  4. lucyagnes says:

    I am an expert procrastinator extraordinaire. Although, this November, writing has been my way of procrastinating from schoolwork………. So, I guess that’s a good thing when it comes to NaNo but a bad thing when it comes to the general state of my soul? 🙂

    Loved this post, Kate! (Or Kate Marie? Which do you prefer?)

    Like

  5. Kate Marie says:

    Marie is my middle name, so nobody calls me Kate Marie (and I don’t call myself that in my head), but you may call me whatever you like, dear. I will respond to either one. I also accept Evil Overlord.

    I’m sure your soul is fine! Just feed it vegetables and the like.

    Also, yes. My textbooks are sitting in a forgotten heap in a dark corner where they cry copious amounts of tears. I feel sorry for them. (No, I don’t… Evil creatures that they are.)

    Like

  6. Kate Marie says:

    *joins you in screaming* WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MURDER MY CHILDHOOD THAT WAY, KENZIE??? WHYYYYYY????

    Nothing is original. It haunts me at night. I am basically writing The Hunger Games trilogy all over again. My sincerest apologies, Suzanne…

    Thank you! *scurries back to desk and begins to scribble furiously*

    Liked by 1 person

  7. smudgedthoughts says:

    Hahaha!!! I apologize!!! Here, take this cookie with the sincerest apologies!!! *hands cookie*

    And ugh! I know! Everything has been taken. It is up to us to decide what to steal and to try our best to cover up the fact we stole it, haha!

    Like

  8. Kit says:

    These are all hilarious!! I would have fallen out of my chair laughing, except that I was already on the ground to begin with. #8, #12, #14, and #16, and #19 are definitely true in my case, as well. It’s way easier to look at your word count and feel content, as opposed to actually increasing it…

    Like

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