Look who’s poking her pointy little nose into the blogging world again?
(Yeah… it’s me.)
Where do I even start? I have so much to say that I actually struggled (for several days longer than was strictly necessary) to come up with a title for this post. Because I want to tell you everything – about the homemade cocoa I made and how it finally feels like summer here and my gymnastical adventures and the shows I’ve been watching with my family and the way college is simultaneously the most exciting and most depressing thing in my life right now.
And I hate doing these “update” posts.
I want to come back. I want to start blogging again – for real. Maybe I can’t handle the intensity of a two-times-a-week schedule, but there needs to be some kind of structure. I’m gonna go crazy (as if that hasn’t already happened…) if I have to keep up this hectic, haphazard style of popping in to Ten Unrelated Things! and then disappear back into the swirling mist from whence I came. It’s not working.
I need to write real posts that are focused and interesting and helpful. I need to unburden myself of all these amazing ideas and experiences banging around the inside of head. I need to start polishing up the old draft pile and let those poor neglected pieces see the light of day.
Let’s talk Cold, Hard Facts for a moment. (Just a moment, I promise. Let’s not get crazy or anything.) I am leaving for college in four months.
And I still have so much I want to say. Every day I force myself to stay away on Hiatus… the more ideas for fun and creative posts flood my mind and literally get down on their bony knees to beg me for release.
I begin to wonder… if I will actually follow through with my plan of abandoning this blog when I leave. There are still so many things to say. So many characters I need to flail over (Flynn Rider, mostly) and so many series’ I want to continue (like the Best Dressed thing) and tags to do (oh, they look so juicy and tempting!) and daring new things I’ve never tried (how do you feel about fancasting books?)!
I was writing to a friend tonight and I used the phrase “on hold” – and I realized just how perfectly it describes the way that I’m living my life right now.
Not that it doesn’t make sense. It does. I’m waiting for answers and deadlines and the waiting to be over.
I keep telling myself… “I’ll do that when all of this is over.”
I’ll get organized.
I’ll start writing again.
I’ll clean out my overflowing inbox.
I’ll start blogging on a schedule.
I’ll talk to the people I’ve been ignoring. (Not in a mean way… just in an overwhelmed way.)
I’ll comment on every funny or inspiring post that I’ve read since Christmas. (Do you want to know how many posts I have bookmarked at this moment in time? Do you? I’m gonna take a wild guess and say it’s in the hundreds. And for once, I’m not exaggerating. At all.)
I keep telling myself that once I’ve taken my Big Test Of Doom and the college tells me whether or not I’m accepted, everything will go back to normal. I can start breathing again and get into some kind of rhythm for how I go about… life.
The problem is that answers are long in coming and life needs to be dealt with. I can’t just ignore it. I can’t hold my breath that long.
I have to stop living “on hold.”
Because the responsibilities are piling up and becoming this enormous mountain that I’m scared to even look at. I’ve put things off for so long that it’s a little bit out of control.
(Are you depressed? I’m depressed. Stop writing this depressing nonsense, Kate!)
*deep, cleansing breaths*
I have decided.
I am – slowly, perhaps – going to emerge from my Hiatus. I’m going to try posting once a week and getting the words out of my system. I’m a writer, after all, I know what happens when I keep them bottled up inside of me.
I feel like I have years and years worth of things to tell you… but it’s only been three months. How can that be? So much has happened.
I made this homemade cocoa, for one thing. It was amazing. So chocolatey and rich and thick and – wow. Never going back to the prepared mix.
I auditioned for Something and got rejected, but you already heard about that. I’ve gotten over it because that’s who I am. I digest information and then I move on. Wallowing isn’t going to change anything. I am so excited about college! It’s hard to put into words how much I crave the day when I leave my hometown behind and set out on my first real Adventure. A new town. A dorm and a roommate to go with it. New friends. Classes. A job. My life is about to become… exciting.
I’m trying to bolster my list of accomplishments and… for some reason, being able to do a split rose to the forefront.
So I started doing stretches each day to improve my sadly limited flexibility and I think it’s working? Slowly but surely, I’m getting closer and closer to being able to do the Elusive Split. Maybe. (Once I achieve this goal, I will move on to something more difficult – namely, the handstand.)
Oh, and you know those stories about ripping your pants in front of everyone because you did a split? These stories are… partially true. I had to say a tearful farewell to my neon-blue skinny jeans – stretches for five days in succession weakened them and, eventually, killed them. In front of a million people. (Okay, that’s not true. Why would a million people be watching me stretch? That’s weird.)
I’m currently watching two shows – The Flash and Lark Rise To Candleford. The first I am watching with my brothers because action is our jam and the second I am watching with my mother because action is not her jam.
The Flash is refreshing, in many ways. Barry is a good kid who is not ashamed of being a Good Kid, and that is refreshing. Barry cries a lot, he hugs his family a lot, he makes sure that he tells the important people in his life how much he loves them because he knows what it’s like to have them snatched away in heartbeat, he is twenty-five years old and still goes to his dad for advice, he tries to be edgy and dark and fails so badly that it’s laughable. I love it. He represents light – shining as a beacon of genuine happiness, innocence, and doing what’s right because it’s right. He doesn’t need any other reason. And the fact that forgiveness is a repeating theme? I’m floored, okay? No other show does this! Barry believes in forgiveness – he lives it. He chooses to forgive the man who betrayed and hurt him. He actively chooses to let go of the anger and bitterness festering in his heart towards the person who murdered his mother when he was just a child. And he persuades Patty not to seek vengeance, because he knows that an unforgiving heart can destroy you. It can eat away at you, from the inside out. I’m shook.
And he wears tennis shoes a lot and it’s adorable, okay?
I also think it’s pretty cool that this show isn’t trying to pretend dads aren’t important – because they are. No matter how much our modern world wants to say that moms are everything or that you can have whatever kind of parent-combination is thrown your way and you’ll turn out just fine, dads are a vital part of every child’s life. Barry has several father figures – his real dad who is in prison, his adoptive father Joe, and the scientist he idolizes, Harrison Wells. This show never tries to blur over the fact that Barry is desperately searching for something in these men, that he needs them in his life, that his is the man and the hero because of their impact.
The Flash also has a few female characters who aren’t the boringly cliched Emotionally Hardened Assassin Who Shoots Men – Caitlin is a doctor who doesn’t even pretend to be proficient in martial arts, Felicity is a nerdy hacker who is content to stay at headquarters instead of joining the fray, and Patty is a completely adorable ball of energy and sweetness that belies her policeman status.
My only complaint is… can’t love interests and friends ever just be understanding? If I found out that my best friend had superpowers, I’d be p u m p e d. But they are never pumped? They’re accusatory, they’re hurt, they’re offended, they’re furious. Because the superhero didn’t tell them! Because… because. Yeah. No. Now I need to write a superhero parody just so that my characters can be happy for their friends instead of adding to the guilt and stress of trying to maintain an alternate ego?
In sharp contrast, Lark Rise To Candleford is a slow-paced and character-focused stroll through the 19th century English countryside. It is strongly character-oriented and even though I am frustrated with 99% of the cast, I have fallen a little bit in love with the show as a whole?
Laura is one of those rare creatures – a likable female protagonist – and Alf, despite his peculiar eyes, is a sweetie. However, if I have to look at Miss Lane’s self-satisfied smile one more time…
I may break something.
My favorite things so far are the ghosts, the aesthetic, the sweet folksy soundtrack, and Philip’s dog.
I wore a dress for the first time in two or three years and it felt real and old and normal and attractive. I might do it again sometime.
At the ripe age of 18 years I received my first ever box of Valentine’s chocolates – in May, from an 8-year-old girl. (I do not believe she had any romantic intentions?)
This video accurately captures my emotions:
After about a million false starts, it finally feels like summer here. And like every year, it brings with it the usual jumble of excitement, nostalgia, grief, and thunderstorms. It’s complicated.
As always, some cool things have been floating around the blogging world. Like this insanely awesome interview Kenzie did with some weirdo she found on the side of the street! I was amused by it. Elsewhere, I chatted with my good friend Ruby Sky and we were nerds about The Silmarillion together. Lastly but not leastly, I found a new blog to love and adore forever and it is run and written by a brilliant young lady named Phoebe Ava. This post in particular made me laugh.
And I think that just about covers it?
That is the past couple of months, summed up in as few words as I am capable of. (Which is apparently over a thousand…)
Feel warned that I will probably end up doing posts on each of these topics. (Especially the cocoa because, seriously!)